My Mom, Irene, would have been 87 today. She has been gone nearly 10 years now and I still talk to her. We miss her, of course. Her life force was still there, even at the end, yet her life quality was certainly not. As many know, dementia takes it all in the end anyway. We continue to love the bits and pieces that remain, learning to live with less and less each day. Our love stays with us, even after there are no bits left.
Irene was a force to be reckoned with, even when young. Tomboy doesn't begin to define her. She spent the first few years in Queens, NY, in the bosom of her extended family, with relatives from that big wild Irish family all around, going to Rockaway/Breezy Point on the regular, sleeping on the decks of the family houses there - the Irish Riviera. A fish in the water, she fit right in, and was loved by the cousins as well. Her aunts and uncles ignored all the kids, as was the way in the thirties and forties.
As the family got bigger and she had another sister, which made 3 girls, her dad got a promotion with Atlantic Richfield and off they went to the land of the New England witches - Salem, MA. The house was bigger, but family was scarce, so they made do with the salt water pool at the waterfront, running through the marshes. Mom was the daredevil there, too, although the beaches were to be found among the port areas. Trips to Long Island continued, though, so she was able to keep up with the cousins, a few older, most younger. Happily, the adults continued their laissez faire attitude with her so she had freedom to do what pleased her. Athletic and happily adventurous, there was always lots to explore in Salem.
Again, a promotion for her dad sent them away from Salem, back south. This time, they ended up in Stratford, CT, where Mom got some sense of maturity, even though the wild eyes remained. A few favorite pictures from this time include her 8th grade graduation from Eli Whitney Elementary, in an all white dress and a picture of her with a flannel shirt and clam diggers with sneakers and a dirty face - same time period! Perfect depictions. Ice skating at Motil and Longbrook, river swimming, running in the woods above Paradise Green, going to Stratford High and in a few groups for singing, and chilling. Best girlfriends and letters from her little boyfriend in Salem as well.
By the time she was a sophomore, her friend's exboyfriend had his eyes on her. Kenny was a senior, on the football team, and a wannabe basketball player, sort of a jock. Liked to have a few beers with the guys, and kept racing pigeons. Not too far away from where Mom lived either, over by Nichols School. An easy bike ride - come on, cars were too pricey for everyone to have! Also, as a senior, he knew he had to go in the Army. The draft for Korea still in place, he was destined for a 2 year stint.
They became a couple, but that didn't stop her from continuing to love the outdoors, and having fun with her girlfriends. She started an afterschool job with Gladys Jubb at Wilcoxson School, working in the office as an assistant secretary. Her typing awards remain in my memory box - she won every speed test in both her junior and senior years. No electric typewriters in those days, you know.
In the midst of her high school years, her parents retired and sold their house, moving to Florida. Mom was left in the care of a few different families during high school, going back and forth between them. One of them involved working moms, a rarity at the time. Through this family, we eventually came to know the housekeeper, who became a dear friend of us all, as well as family in the end. The dad of another family we came to know became the Tooth Fairy to my kids! Once Mom connected with people, she did her damndest to stay connected, which always was beneficial to us.
Kenny was indeed sent to the Army - spent his years hanging telephone line acrosss route 20 in MA, sometimes coming home, sometimes surviving visits from his now fiancee and parents. Mom got a "real job" at Manning, Maxwell and Moore, and rented a room in a boarding house in Bridgeport, living alone for the first and only time in her life. She hangs out with her friends at the Blue Goose bar after work while she waits for Kenny to finish his service.
They marry when he is released and gets a job at SNET, staying at first with his parents, then getting a coop on Fisher Court, after a honeymoon that ends up with Mom having her gall bladder removed in emergency surgery in Florida! You can probably figure out the next parts of this...Mom gets pregnant after the whole honeymoon fiasco and return to Stratford, has ME! But first, she waterskis, on the Housatonic (it is August, afterall, and HOT), then goes with her friends to the Blue Goose wheile Dad is working. Her water breaks, one of her friends brings her to the hospital, one of Dad's friends goes to get him at work to bring him to Bridgeport Hospital and voila! I am out!
They end up moving to Lordship - Valley Road. Right by the swamps, it is a great place to walk an old fashioned pram up and down the slow streets. Mom can take me to Russian Beach, right down the road, eventually she can show me how to find toads and frogs and critter in the swamp...she takes in ironing for some of her own cash, eventually gets pregnant again. This part is a bit tricky...
Nancy is born 4 years after me, still living on Valley Road. Happily, the Fire Station is only a block up the dirt road, because Nancy is not a healthy baby. She stops breathing frequently, Mom has to call the Fire Department nearly daily for the first 3 months of her life. They resuscitate her, saving her life, until it finally seems like she is going to be OK. Mom is exhausted, but pops back. By now, Dad is working double shifts and starts a bartending job, because that's what people did to get ahead. I become a good little mother, learning how to change diapers, so Mom can rest. Our neighbor at the time is a Russian woman...speaks no English. Mom sends me over to "help" her a few times a week - really to keep me from being too serious about my new sister. We chat on her front porch, she in Russian, me in English...I loved her!
The Valley Road house is getting a bit too small...the 3rd grade teacher who lives behind us is selling her house so yes, Mom and Dad move to Hemlock Street - one of the bricks, with a big backyard (seemed so). We had rental garages next door - plenty of places to play. Mom already knew everyone so it was an easy move for her...when I was 7, Nancy 3, she got pregnant again...She was happy about it on the outside, but scared this baby would have the same issues as Nancy. When Amy is born, Mom has post partum depression for months. She lays in bed all day and night, in a dark room, with the curtains pulled. Finally, someone (not my dad - not sure who it was) brings her to a psychiatrist.
He gets at the gist of it all - fear of having another child like Nancy, even though Amy was a grand little babe. This guy does the very awful, non-Catholic practice of putting her on birth control pills! In 1968, she could have been excommunicated, as a Catholic. However, she went to confession (not at her regular church, but St. James), where the priest asked her if she felt this was a life or death situation...she said yes, and it was done. Thankful for that priest, for sure. Again, Mom got her spirit back and became the adventurous, thrilling, sometimes scary mom we loved.
She remained this woman, even through most of her dementia years. She was open minded, mostly, athletic (7 holes in one, several golf championships, swam with us often, walked to the beach with her grands...), rode roller coasters gleefully, did a bunjie jump in her 65th year, got a tattoo, learned to love foods she never had before...I remember her every day, and try to remind my niece and nepherw and our kids of their grammie. She told x-rated jokes to my friends when I was a teenager, made her own friends blush, swore with her grands, loved to swim at the seawall during hurricanes. God, I miss her.
